Forgiveness: The Faith Issue That's Blocking Your Relationship with God

There's probably someone in your life who hurt you.

Maybe it was years ago. Maybe it was yesterday. Maybe it was something "small" that you feel silly still thinking about — or maybe it was something devastating that changed the entire trajectory of your life.

And if you're honest? You're still carrying it.

You haven't really forgiven them, even though you know you're "supposed to." Maybe you've tried. But you can't seem to let it go.

Here's something that might be hard to hear: That unforgiveness is creating a barrier between you and God.

But here's the good news — understanding what forgiveness really is can set you free.

First, You Need to Know How God Sees You

Before we talk about forgiving others, we have to start here. Because if you miss this, nothing else will make sense.

One of my favorite verses in the entire Bible:

"God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God."— 2 Corinthians 5:21

Let me break that down:

• God took Jesus — who never sinned, not once — and placed all your sin on Him

• Every mistake, every failure, every moment of anger, pride, or selfishness — Jesus absorbed it all

• In exchange, God credited you with Jesus's righteousness

When God looks at you — if you're a believer — He doesn't see your failures. He sees perfection. Not because you are perfect, but because Jesus is, and you're covered by His righteousness.

Is that fair? No. It's unfair in your favor. That's amazing grace. And it's the foundation of everything.

The Hypocrisy of Unforgiveness

Here's where it gets challenging.

Jesus said, "Forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors."

Think about what that means. If you've received God's forgiveness — forgiveness you didn't earn, didn't deserve, and couldn't pay for — but you won't extend forgiveness to someone who hurt you?

There's a word for that: hypocrisy.

And you can't be hypocritical and pursue God at the same time. Unforgiveness doesn't just affect your relationships with people. It blocks your relationship with God.

What Forgiveness Is NOT

A lot of people don't forgive because they've misunderstood what forgiveness actually requires. Let's clear that up.

Forgiveness is NOT saying what they did was okay.
What they did to you may have been horrible. Unacceptable. Even hideous. Forgiveness isn't condoning their actions or pretending they didn't matter.

Forgiveness is NOT forgetting.
People say "forgive and forget" — but forgetting isn't forgiving. You can't forget on command. And frankly, trying to force yourself to forget usually just makes you think about it more.

Forgiveness is NOT letting them "off the hook."
Here's the thing: you don't have a hook. Only God has a hook. But His hook is fundamentally different from yours. Your hook wants revenge. His hook wants redemption.

What Forgiveness Actually Is

The word Jesus used for forgiveness literally means "release."

When you forgive someone, you're saying:

• "I am not holding onto this anymore."

• "I'm releasing this debt."

• "I'm writing it off my books."

You're releasing them to God and trusting Him to handle the situation. You're essentially saying, "God, this person really hurt me — but I'm going to hand them over to You, because I trust You more than I trust my own desire for justice."

Forgiveness Is a Faith Issue

Here's what I've learned after years in ministry: everything good in the Christian life comes by faith.

Salvation comes by faith. Healing comes by faith. And forgiveness comes by faith.

When you refuse to forgive, here's what you're really saying: "God, I don't trust You to handle this person. I don't trust You to handle this situation. I don't trust You."

But when you forgive, you're saying the opposite: "That person hurt me deeply — but I'm going to release them to You, God, because I trust You to handle what I can't."

We love independence. That's not always a bad thing. But sometimes our independent streak works against us when it comes to forgiveness. We think, "I don't need anyone else to handle this. I can take care of it myself."

God says: "That's not your job. Release them to Me. Let Me handle it."

Why Forgiveness Matters for YOU

Let's be clear about something: unforgiveness doesn't hurt the person who wronged you — it hurts you.

It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to get sick.

Holding onto bitterness keeps you bound to the very person and situation you want to be free from. You end up giving them rent-free space in your head — and they don't even know it.

But when you forgive — when you release them to God — you experience freedom. Not because the hurt disappears overnight. But because you're no longer carrying the weight of anger, bitterness, and the exhausting desire for revenge.

Your Next Step

Is there someone you need to forgive?

Maybe it's a parent who wasn't there for you. A spouse who betrayed you. A friend who let you down. Someone who abused you. Someone who should have protected you and didn't.

I'm not minimizing what they did. I'm not saying it was okay. But I am saying this: holding onto unforgiveness is hurting you more than them, and it's creating a barrier between you and God.

Here's what I want you to understand about forgiveness before you take that step:

• It's a choice, not a feeling. You don't have to feel like forgiving to choose to forgive.

• It's often a process, not a one-time event. You may have to make this choice multiple times as the hurt resurfaces. That's okay.

• It's an act of faith. You're not excusing what happened. You're trusting God with what you can't fix.

Try praying this: "God, I choose to forgive [name]. I release them to You. I trust You to handle what I can't."

You might have to pray it again tomorrow. And the day after that. That's not failure — that's faithfulness.

The person you forgive might never change. But you will. And that makes all the difference.